“Back to bed!” “No, it’s not time to play with your toys” “I’m warning you, get to bed or ….!” Said any of those phrases lately? If you have, don’t beat yourself up. Young children know they have more freedom and they like to test the waters to see how much freedom they can get. Toddlers and young children test the world around them, seeking knowledge and learning how to behave in different situations. It’s part of normal childhood development but we, as parents, have to be the ones to set the expectations and boundaries, in particular, around sleep and bedtime.
And while it’s easy to give in to your child’s multiple demands for another drink of water, another kiss, another hug, another stuffed animal, another trip to the bathroom or to lay down with them at bedtime, et cetera, the next thing you know it’s 2 hours later and your child still hasn’t fallen asleep. The bedtime shenanigans have you mentally drained and willing to give your child whatever they want…if they would just go to sleep!
Parents are often faced with this dilemma, but they’re not sure how to get bedtime to a more reasonable time or back to what it used to be.
How do you do that? Simply put, you have to set boundaries around sleep.
Remember the last time you told your child that they couldn’t play in the street or some other unsafe place? Yes, well…you just set a boundary. Even the most relaxed parent sets boundaries, because none of us would let our 2 year old run around with sharp scissors, right?
Here are 3 tips to help you set those boundaries.
First, you and your partner/spouse should discuss and agree on what those boundaries are going to be. You’re a team and you have to be on the same page, so spend some time deciding together what you want your evening to look like. For instance, if you don’t want your child sleeping in bed with you, they shouldn’t be allowed to sleep in bed with you. Pretty simple, right?
Second, once you’ve determined your boundaries, such as allowing only 1 drink of water and another stuffed animal, you have to stick with it! Allow only as many as you are willing to give in to and hold firm with that number. I, for one, allow only 1 request with my own daughter. Once children learn that additional requests won’t be met, most likely they’ll stop asking.
Finally, you have to communicate what your boundaries are to your child. Tell them what you expect them to do at bedtime and stick with it. Whichever way, verbally or visually, that you think your child will respond better, is the best strategy to use.
Set your boundaries and stick to them. As easy as it is to give in, you know that it will just continue and stall bedtime, so hold firm and give your child loving limits to ensure a relaxing bedtime for everyone.
Need help setting boundaries around sleep with your toddler or child? Then I have the solution for you. Next month, I’ll be launching my online group coaching program, designed just for parents that want to get their toddlers and children falling asleep faster at bedtime, who want to end the battles at bedtime that drag on forever and get their children sleeping through the night, in their own beds.
Taught in a group setting, this program is designed for parents of toddlers/children, ages 18 months to 5 years. You’ll get a custom sleep plan for your child that will show you exactly how to get your toddler/child sleeping all night, 4 weeks of support to ensure you meet your goals, daily check-ins with me, weekly group coaching calls to answer your questions, weekly lessons about your child’s sleep with printable resources and support from other families just like you!
Interested? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know that you want in and you’ll be one of the first people to know as soon as registration opens. There will be limited spots available.
With the holidays coming up, many new parents who have recently gotten their babies sleeping on a schedule are worried that they might regress a little over the holidays. And I can assure you, those fears could not be more well-founded. Between the travel, the excitement, the constant attention and then travel all over again, the holidays are the single easiest way to throw all of your hard work out with the wrapping paper and turkey bones. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be that way! With some strategic planning and standing your ground, you can keep that carefully orchestrated routine running just the way you did at home. There are two major impediments to your little one’s sleep over the holidays. One is travel and the other is family and friends, so I just want to tackle both of those topics individually. First off, travel. If you’re thinking about starting sleep training your little one, but you’ve got to take a trip in a few weeks, my suggestion is to put off the training until you get back. If you’ve already started, don’t worry. Taking a trip typically won’t help your little one sleep better, but if you can maintain some semblance of their regular schedule until the end of your trip, you and baby should be ready to get back to normal as soon as you get home. If you’re driving to your destination, a clever trick is to schedule your driving time over baby’s naps. Car naps aren’t ideal, but compared to no naps at all, they’re the lesser of two evils by a mile. If at all possible, get on the road right a little bit before baby’s first nap. They’ll have a little time to play and fall asleep. If you’re flying, well, hang in there. If you’re flying, do whatever gets you through the flight with a minimum amount of fuss. Hand out snacks, let them play with your phone, and otherwise let them do anything they want to do or eat. The truth is, if they don’t want to sleep on the plane, they’re just not going to, so don’t try to force it. Alright! So you’ve arrived, and hopefully you’ve managed to maintain some degree of sanity. Now, I’m sorry to say, comes the hard part. Once you’re at Grandma’s house, it’s just the opposite. Everyone wants baby awake so they can see them, play with them, take a thousand pictures, and get them ridiculously overstimulated. And it’s very difficult to tell all of these friends and family members that you’re putting an end to the fun because baby needs to take a nap or go to bed. So if you need permission to be the party pooper, I’m giving it to you right here and now. Don’t negotiate, don’t make exceptions, and don’t feel bad about it. Let them know when baby will be getting up and tell them to hang around, come back, or catch you the next time. Or better yet, tell people in advance when to expect some baby time based on baby’s schedule. I know it sounds harsh, but the alternative is an almost immediate backslide right back into day one. Baby misses a nap, gets all fired up because of all the new faces and activity, then overtiredness kicks in, the next nap is ruined, starting the awful cycle of overtireness. I’m not even slightly exaggerating. It happens that quickly. So OK, you’ve steeled your nerves and let everyone know that you’re not budging on baby’s schedule. Baby took her naps at the right times, and now it’s time for bed. The only catch is that, with all of the company staying at the house, there’s only one room for you and baby. No problem, right? Bed sharing for a few nights isn’t the end of the world, after all. You want to make this as close to your normal routine as possible, and babies can develop a real affinity for co-sleeping in as little as one night. So this may sound a little weird, but if you’re sharing a room, here’s what you need to do… Make it into two rooms. I’m not saying you need to bust out the lumber and drywall, but I do suggest hanging a blanket, setting up a dressing screen, or use a tent like a SlumberPod to separate you and baby. Actually, a decent sized closet is a great place for baby to sleep. It’s dark, it’s quiet, she won’t be distracted by being able to see you, and people accidentally walking in and out of the room are much less likely to distract her. And while we’re on the subject of “no exceptions,” that rule extends to all other sleep props. You might be tempted to slip baby a pacifier or rock her to sleep if she’s disturbing the rest of the house, but baby is going to latch on to that really, really quickly, and chances are you’ll be waking up every hour or two, rocking baby back to sleep or putting her pacifier back in, which is going to end up disturbing everyone a lot worse than a half hour of crying at 7:00 at night. Now, on a serious note, I find the biggest reason that parents give in on these points is, quite simply, because they’re embarrassed. There’s a house full of eyes and they’re all focused on the new baby and the new parent. The feeling that everyone is making judgments about how you’re parenting is nearly overwhelming in these family gatherings, but in those moments, remember what’s really important here. Your baby, your family, and their health and well-being. There may well be a few people who feel a bit jaded because you put baby to bed just when they got in the door, and your mother might tell you that putting your baby in the closet for the night is ridiculous, but remember you’re doing this for a very noble cause. Perhaps the most noble cause there is. So stand tall and remember that you’re a superhero, defending sleep for those who are too small to defend it for themselves. If you want to wear a cape and give yourself a cool superhero name, you go right ahead. Ignore them. You’re on a mission. If you're still struggling with your child's sleep, I'm here to help. Contact me today and start your new year off right!
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